


Father, forgive me

by MellyCrazyCoconut



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Blowjobs, Bottom Castiel/Top Dean Winchester, Castiel is a Good Man, Closeted Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester is Ben Braeden's Parent, Lisa Is A Good Person, M/M, Married Lisa Braeden/Dean Winchester, Mildly Dubious Consent, Or So I'm Told..., Priest Castiel (Supernatural), Sex in a Church, Shotgun Wedding, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, adultry... unfortunately, and she gets her happy ending... promise, being naughty in a church, but a chaotic bisexual mess, but it certainly wasn't meant like that, castiel is NOT a patient man, couples therapy, maybe if you squint, non-religion-friendly, seriously he knows his way around Narnia..., they switch things up ;), writer suffered through 10 years of unmixed catholic schooling and has issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-12 01:34:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28877298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MellyCrazyCoconut/pseuds/MellyCrazyCoconut
Summary: This was inspired by the following video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ASHeZmGFGsWhat also helped was this song by my favourite band: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-BkAeC9QpQtaylortheclown first showed me the video and just_spn_trash kept promising me to write a priest!fic, but I get impatient... so... everything is their fault!!! :)To keep it short: Dean is a fake catholic and a fake straight dude. His marriage is in trouble. The new priest in town has some... alternative... suggestions.There will be multiple chapters, lots of plot (for once) and as ever... smutty goodness.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Lisa Braeden/Dean Winchester
Comments: 20
Kudos: 28





	1. Storm clouds overhead

The old man's voice had long become a background noise in Dean’s mind. On the outside he was the perfect, devout catholic everyone perceived him to be. On the inside however... he was listening to Led Zeppelin. He’d learned how to drown out the weekly redundant chatter while he was still a kid in Sunday school. Has to keep up appearances though, if he wants his business to keep thriving in this town. 

As if that isn’t bad enough, Lisa’s now insisting on couples therapy with Father Zachariah every Wednesday. What the hell does a celibate, unworldly priest know about relationships. Especially one like theirs... shotgun wedding at 18 after a weekend of fun. 10 years on and well... no love to speak of really. Not on his side anyway. Lisa tries. She's convinced they’re just in a funk and things will go back to the honeymoon fase if only they work at it hard enough. She’s obviously forgotten they skipped that bit. They were never really in love. Dean was hardly even in lust. Back then he actively chased tail for one purpose: making his dad proud. Real men got the hot girls. Real men weren’t seduced, they did the seducing. Real men didn’t... no! He’s not even allowing himself to think it. Out of sight, out of mind, out of reality! 

Lisa gives him a nudge, seems like part 1 of the weekly torture is done...thank fuck for that! He’s got more important things to do... 

“Dean, Lisa... a word, please.” Father Zachariah beckons them to follow him into the Sacristy. 

Great. Seems like Wednesday came early this week... He puts on a fake smile, asks his mom to take Ben home and does as he’s told. Father Zachariah sits down in his ornate chair, they aren’t offered one. Dean feels like he’s been called into the principal's office for a lecture and starts fidgeting. 

“As you know, I’ll be retiring next Friday. I hate to leave without seeing your situation unsolved though... You are already making such progress and it would pain me so to see it go awry without my professional help...” 

Oh my god, this guy... he’s making it sound as if he’s their only chance to turn things around. Like he’s their personal saviour or something. Quite the ego on this son of a bitch... especially since he’s failing spectacularly. 

“I’ve therefore arranged for my successor to attend our next –and last- meeting this Wednesday, so he might observe my methods. Mind you, Father Castiel is still very young, he might provide you with new insights, but you’ll find my way far superior, I’m sure. He will learn, undoubtedly... given time.” 

They agree to the arrangement and leave. 

************* 

WEDNESDAY EVENING: 

Dean is seriously dreading this meeting. He hates having to talk about his feelings, then he had to do it with a priest present, now there’s going to be ANOTHER one there. Next thing you know he’ll be doing a monologue about his failed marriage in front of the entire parish... Fuck his life... 

They walk into Father Zachariah's office and suddenly his world shifts. Blue. All he sees is blue. The strangers’ eyes fixed on his like there’s some sort of magnetism between them. 

Lisa clears her throat and the moment is broken. They greet Father Zachariah and are introduced to the newcomer: Father Castiel. 

Fuck. Fuck, fuck fuck FUCK! This is so inconvenient... 

The older priest is talking, but Dean is hardly listening. He’s constantly sneaking glances at Castiel. He can’t possibly call him Father, he’s too young, too hot, too... NO! Bad! Stop it! 

Castiel is surreptitiously watching him as well. He seems... amused. Like he knows all Deans secrets. All his dirty little lies, his unspoken desires. This is going to be a disaster, isn’t it? 

“Dean? Did you hear me?” 

Father Zachariah sounds annoyed... *shit* 

“Oh, yeah, sorry... lost in thought for a moment there. Could you repeat the question, please?” 

With little patience he replies: “I was asking about your period of abstinence. Maybe I should explain this concept to Father Castiel first... You see, though I understand that physical intimacy between spouses is important, it is often used as a crutch to sustain a failing relationship. Remove the physical part and the couple is forced to talk about their problems instead of drowning them in layers of sin. It is also my belief that such behaviour is what leads to the use of ...accessories... and immoral acts. The farther away from the original purpose of physical intimacy, the farther away one is from a normal, loving relationship. So, I have ordered this lovely couple to abstain for 2 months. It’s been 6 weeks now and I’m very interested in Dean's opinion.” 

He’s looking at Dean expectantly, like he’ll start gushing about what a relief it is, how much it’s helped... Truth is he hasn’t even noticed it’s been that long. He hardly feels any need for it with his wife. He takes care of himself in the shower and that’s that. He looks up to Castiel and sees the man's face is full of disbelieve. One eyebrow raised and seemingly holding back his own opinion, he obviously doesn’t agree with his colleague's modus operandi. Maybe this one won’t be useless, after all... 

“Uhm... it’s... been good so far. Easier than expected, I guess? There is indeed more to a relationship than just, ah, the physical side. I feel like we’ve definitely talked more.” 

*liar* 

Lisa starts talking to the priest and Dean zones out again. 

Castiel remains silent the entire time, save for when they leave. He shakes his hand and the combination of the young priest's warm skin against his own and the gravelly voice saying “Dean” gives him more lustful feelings than his wife ever has. 

He finds himself unexplainably looking forward to Sunday... and feeling absolutely terrified.


	2. The stars predict disaster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas gives a sermon and couples therapy takes an interesting turn. Warning to the sensitive hearts: adulterous smut at the end.

The sermon is... different. To say the least. Where Father Zachariah had been boring, giving no personal input (save for his interpretation of sin), Father Castiel speaks with passion and conviction. He refers to the more loving parts of the Bible, talks about forgiveness and acceptance...for the first time in his life, Dean actually listens, to enraptured by the charisma of this man to even look away. And he’s not the only one... The whole congregation seems hypnotised by him, hanging on his every word. Now this is something to look forward to on a Sunday morning! 

Afterward, the new priest mingles among the churchgoers, all smiles and thank-you's, looking demure... But Dean sees it for the lie it is. He can see glimpses of disgust, hidden behind that polite mask. *who is this man?!* 

“Dean...Lisa... I hope you enjoyed the sermon? I know I do things a bit differently than my predecessor, but I hope it’s a good change at least?” 

Lisa laughs and starts twirling her hair *really, Lis?* 

“It was transcendent! You even got this one to pay attention for once...” 

She says it without malice, but Dean can’t help but wince. Sure, let’s spill the beans to the new guy about his lack of faith! Way to make an impression... 

But Father Castiel just smiles at him and says: “Oh, Father Zachariah’s sermons could make an angel lose their faith in God... First time I came here to inspect my soon-to-be-parish I actually fell asleep! Don’t tell anyone that...” 

He puts his right hand on Deans left shoulder and grips it tight for a moment. 

“You can keep a secret... right Dean?” 

He nods. It's all he CAN do. It feels like there’s a handprint seared into his shoulder, the electric blue eyes on his conveying more secrets than what is said with words. *he knows... oh God, he KNOWS!* 

He lets go of Dean and turns to an unsuspecting Lisa. 

“After sitting in on you therapy-session I was a bit... distraught. Father Zachariah’s methods are outdated at best. I would actually like to speak to you guys separately the first time. Get the story from both perspectives, without holding back for the sake of the other. Would you two be amendable to that?” 

They both instantly say “YES!”. Bit awkward that... 

“Ok, Lisa? Would now be a good time for you? Dean can come over on Wednesday evening, as planned. If that works for you, off course?” 

Again with the eyes... How does anyone ever say no to this guy?! He agrees and leaves them to do their thing. 

2 hours later, Lisa comes home with a big smile, looking more relaxed than he’s seen her all year. 

“This is it, Dean. THIS is the one who will help us through this. I feel it!” 

He doesn’t have the heart to tell her this might be what finally ends them. 

************ 

WEDNESDAY EVENING: 

Oh, yeah... this is off to a great start! As soon as Dean walked through the door, Father Castiel has his hands on him. A handshake here, a touch of the shoulder there, brushing hands when taking his coat... This is going to be pure torture. 

“First of all, call me Cas. ‘Father Castiel’ makes me feel ancient. And second... before we even start touching on your relationship with Lisa... I’d like you to tell me the truth about who you really are.” 

Dean’s eyes go wide. Surely, he doesn’t mean... He can’t... Cas has taken the chair next to him, instead of the one behind the desk. His closeness only confused him more. 

“I’m not one for beating around the bush, Dean.” He leans back into the chair, legs falling open, starting to undo the top button of his shirt, “Mind if I take of the collar? Been a long day and that thing chafes like you wouldn’t believe... Ah, much better. As I was saying, no mincing words here. Lisa told me your backstory, the one-night-stand, the unplanned pregnancy, the struggles when it comes to sex... It painted a pretty clear picture to me. So, tell me Dean, how is living in denial about your sexuality working out for you?” 

Fuck. He had to go there... Ok Winchester, poker face. Act your way through this like you’re an Oscar-nominee. He mirrors Cas’ posture, adding crossed arms, before saying: 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” 

Cas raises his left eyebrow and yep... there goes the poker face... 

“Huh, I’m not usually wrong about that. Are you absolutely sure?” 

Dean is squirming... when did it get so hot in here? 

“Yes?” 

He meant to say it with conviction, but it sounded like a question in the end. Cas leans forward again, staring into his eyes, tilting his head... *oh shit, that’s cute...* 

“Are you really... really...sure?”, he asks softly as he places a hand on his thigh. 

Dean’s only response is to uncross his arms and grip the arms of his chair. Cas’ gaze is unwavering as he kneels between his legs and asks: “May I?” 

Both his hands are running up and down his thighs and Dean just can’t... he bites his lip and nods. It’s all the encouragement Cas needs. Before he knows it, his pants are undone and pulled down under his ass, cock fully exposed and completely at the other man’s mercy. Cas puts a hand around him and gives him a final way out: 

“I’ll stop as soon as you tell me to.” 

And then his cock is ingulfed in wet warmth. Dean closes his eyes and let’s his head fall back. *God, that’s good!* A priest he may be, but damn, boy’s got skills. And to think he gives sermons with that sinful tongue... 

Said tongue is currently wrapped around the head of his cock, after licking up from the base. Without any warning Cas suddenly takes all of him in, burying his nose in his pubic hair. Dean’s eyes pop open and he looks down... only to see pink lips stretched around him and blue eyes staring into his. Cas winks and swallows, causing Dean to let out a strangled cry. A hand shoots up and his fingers tangle themselves in Cas’ hair. He struggles to keep his hips still, but it’s a lost cause... He gets up from his chair, careful not to hurt the man between his legs, waits a moment to get permission and then starts fucking Cas’ mouth with abandon. 

He forgets about Lisa, he forgets about his father, he forgets about the lie he’s lived all his life... There is only Cas’ mouth on his cock, his large hands placed on his ass and the man’s eyes locked on his... begging for more. 

As he’s about to come, one of those hands starts wandering. Deans taken by surprise when suddenly there’s a finger drawing circles around his hole. He reacts by thrusting in even deeper, making Cas moan... the vibration proves to much and his orgasm rips through him, more forceful than he’s ever experienced. Cas takes it like a pro and swallows all Dean has to give. *HOW is this man a priest?!* 

He feels his knees buckling and let’s himself fall back into the chair. From that position he’s got the perfect view of Cas opening his own pants and quickly jerking himself to completion. It doesn’t take long and the combination of come landing on his black, roman collared shirt and his head thrown back in ecstasy makes Dean's cock twitch in interest. What is this man doing to him...? 

OH MY GOD, what has he just done?! 

Reality starts coming back to Dean and he quickly rearranges his clothes and heads for the door. Just before he’s about to leave, he turns... Cas is still sitting on his knees in the middle of the room, panting, lips wet and violently red, smirking at him. He reaches him in 2 big steps and kisses him. A passionate, yet soft kiss that leaves him terrified. 

He presses their foreheads together for a brief moment, squeezing his eyes shut... and flees for real this time.


	3. I was blessed, but now I've come undone.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean comes to terms with what happened and what is means. What to do now, though?

Dean’s sitting behind the wheel of his car. Utterly dumbstruck. He feels like he’s on the verge of something big, like this is the eye of the storm and the rains are about to come crashing down on him. The numbness is scary. He has no idea what’s to come... Will he break down? Will he cry? Will he suck it all up, lock up and forget about everything that just happened? 

Cas... *sigh* Dean knew that man would be trouble. From the way he looks, to his voice, his insight, his dominance... It’s like he struck a match and lit a fire in him. And tonight... tonight was like... like the lights finally being turned on, like he could finally see... everything. All of himself laid bare. 

The first tear starts to fall. And the second. He’s smiling. Smiling through his tears. Soon he’s sobbing and laughing out loud like a madman. 

*Well... that’s... unexpected* 

He always imagined himself having a mayor gay-panic-moment, followed by rage and denial and going back to his normal life, repressing EVERYTHING for the rest of his life. But... is it normal? His everyday life? The white-picket-fence-life with Lisa? Normal for the spider is chaos for the fly...Is it truly normal for a gay man to be married to a woman, pretending to love her? 

Dean gasps and slaps his hands over his mouth, eyes going impossibly wide. He just... he really just thought that, didn’t he? Gay. He’s gay. He’s a gay man who just had his first gay encounter and damnit, he’s already gagging for more. 

Surprisingly enough he doesn’t feel ashamed. Not for this. Not for finally being who he really is! For cheating on his wife though... Shit, that’s a whole other story. THAT will weigh on his mind forever, he reckons. There’s no explaining it, no justifying it... He wronged her and she deserves better. Lisa’s too good for him, he’s always thought so. She just accepts al his weird quirks, helps him through his bad days, tries so very hard to make it work out between them... she’s never even gotten mad when he, once again, can’t perform sexually. All that goodness, all that understanding and he just... he feels like he slapped her in the face. 

His euphoric state has dimmed a bit. Overshadowed by his own stupidity. But what happened, happened. No going back on that. 

Mind made up, he starts the car and drives home. He’s got exactly 15 minutes to figure out how to tell the woman who loves him, why he can never love her back. 

*********** 

She’s asleep already. God, she looks so peaceful...so content. He’s never been able to sleep like that. Always in a mode of constant vigilante. 

He’ll tell her tomorrow. No need to ruin her night. It’s not like he’s getting any straighter, right? He’ll tell her tomorrow. 

*********** 

He’s pulled out of sleep by a hand caressing his morning wood, a mouth kissing and licking his neck. For a moment he savours the sensation, still lost in the dream he was having... a very similar dream... He leans his head back, giving the mouth better access to his throat. He moans and pushes his ass back, fully expecting Cas’ rock-hard dick pressing against him... But it doesn’t come... and... the hand on his cock is wrong. Too small, nails too long. The mouth is wrong too. No stubble. Not demanding as it was yesterday... 

His eyes snap open. Lisa! He's... she’s... No, this is...! 

But he’s too far gone to stop her, fuelled by his wicked fantasy, he’s so close that when she starts jerking him faster, he’s just gone. Coming all over her hand, making a pathetic little noise, unsure if it was out of pleasure or disappointment. 

He’s still panting, when Lisa crawls over him and starts kissing him. 

“Good morning sweetie”, she says with a tender smile, “noticed you were having a VERY good dream and I couldn’t just let that go to waste, now could I?” 

She gives him one last kiss and gets up. 

“Gonna make some coffee... You coming down? I wanna hear about all about your meeting with Castiel.” 

He freezes. How the HELL is he going to do this now? After... THAT? 

“I’ll... be right down.” 

She giggles... “Wiped you out good, huh? I’ll give you 5 more minutes... Maybe you can spend them coming up with something to repay me with tonight?!” 

A saucy wink and she’s gone. And Dean’s FUCKED! 

************ 

They end up having a very short talk about Dean’s experience with Cas’ take on couple’s therapy and then Lisa’s gushing about this online course she’s started yesterday. A course Cas recommended her. On building self-confidence and being independent. She’s so excited. He hasn’t seen her like that in a long while. He decides not to have The Talk yet. Not when they both still have a long day ahead of them. Ben’s still home too, maybe he ought to ask his mom if she could take him for the weekend... Yeah... that sounds about right. Gives him a bit more time to figure out how to tell her he’s... well... whatever. 

He runs the idea by Lisa and she’s unexpectedly excited. It doesn’t hit him ‘till later in the day that she’s probably thinking about a nice romantic weekend together...Fuck. Yet another thing to distract him from work... He’s been trying to do some paperwork, but it’s not going anywhere. His mind keeps providing him with images of last night. And then there’s the intense feeling of lust that’s been plaguing him all day. Not to mention the inexplicable need to call Cas. To hear that deep voice. God, the mere thought of Cas saying his name alone makes him hard as nails! 

He ends up leaving the shop at noon. The guys know their job, they can do without him for a day. A few hours on the road, just him and baby, that’ll clear his mind right up! 

Only... within the hour, he finds himself in front of the church. Fuck this shit, he needs to see Cas. Right now. 

He’s in luck. There’s only one other person there when he enters. The very object of his affection. 

“Dean? Why... is something wrong?” 

He can’t... his mouth opens, but the words won’t come. He looks around the church and an idea sparks in his mind. 

“The confessional... I... please...” 

Cas gives him a confused look, but follows anyway. They take their respective seats and –hidden from Cas’ all-seeing eyes- Dean finds his voice: 

“Forgive me Father, I have sinned...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, Dean... such a beautiful mess... :)  
> The beginning of this chapter actually had some real life roots... acknowledging and accepting my own not-so-straight sexuality never made me panic, just... made me walk a little taller, smile a little brighter. And I wanted that for Dean.  
> Next chapter will be a Cas POV.


	4. He comes to me, like a sandstorm in an hourglass.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day after... What will Dean do?

“Forgive me Father, I have sinned. I committed adultery. My wife is a really good person. Honest, loyal, caring, an amazing mother... and I broke our vows. Actually... I broke our vow before we even made them. I lied to her. I told her I loved her...and I do... but as a friend. I have never had romantic feelings for her. I’ve never even been sexually attracted to her. How could I be? I... I’m... I’m gay. She doesn’t know that either. Both of us are just...caught in a web of lies and I...” 

Cas stops him right there: 

“Dean. Stop. Breathe.” 

They both take a deep breath. Cas can see Dean kneeling on the other side of the screen, hands buried in his hair. He leans his head back against the wood of the confessional and asks: 

“Have you told her? About last night?” 

*Please say no...* 

“No.” 

*Thank GOD!* 

“Ok... look, Dean, if you’re uncomfortable, I could find you two another advisor on marital problems, but maybe you could look at this from the other side? You’ve said it. You’re out. You can choose to be honest with yourself and the people around you, to be brave and be who you were meant to be, to love. Really love. Whoever you choose. The constant hiding is what...” 

Dean lifts his head and even through the screen he can see those green eyes fixed on his face. He doesn’t get to finish his sentence. 

“I’m not hiding. Not anymore, Cas... What we did... it was... it’s never been like that for me. Part of me has always been disgusted by sex. I’ve always felt like something was wrong with me. Hell, Lisa is a beautiful woman and a yoga-teacher to boot and half the time I can hardly get it up for her! But ever since I met you... I couldn’t ignore THAT side of me anymore. God, I’ve done that for so long... to long. I kept trying to be dad’s perfect son, kept pushing everything down... You learn to love the pain you feel, ya know? It becomes a part of you. With me, it just fed my anger...and the anger was an outlet for everything I couldn’t say... couldn't have... But now... it’s a brave new world.” 

Cas is scared now. Why did this have to happen now? Why did he have to become THAT involved? This could ruin everything... 

“Why didn’t you tell her already then?” 

He sees the hesitation on Dean’s face. Is that... is he blushing? 

“She was sleeping when I got home and this morning... she... I was dreaming and... god, this is embarrassing... Iwasdreamingofyou... and she... saw an opportunity. We had sex. Kinda. Bad timing to tell your you’re gay, when you’ve just... you know.” 

The surge of jealousy surprises Cas. This man is not his, no matter how much he desires him, he has no right to feel betrayed. And yet... 

“You had sex with Lisa. Right after we...” 

Dean’s silence is telling. Fuck it, he’s not letting this go without a fight... 

“Was I not enough for you, Dean?” His seductive tone obviously has an effect on the other man. He’s squirming...Cas loves it. 

“Did SHE make you come? Or was it the mere thought of me? The thought of my mouth around your cock? The thought of my hands all over you? Dare I say... the thought of me filling you up?” 

Dean seems to have problems breathing correctly... Good. 

“Can you touch yourself for me, Dean? Nice and slow...” 

He thought Dean would have more reservations about sexual acts in a hallowed place, practically in plain sight, but the man seems set on exceeding his expectations. He decides to mirror Deans actions. 

“Yesssss... Oh you’re such a good boy, aren’t you... following orders, consequences be damned... look at what you do to me... making me behave so sacrilegiously.” 

Dean chuckles. The audacity! 

“Big words for someone with his hands down his pants, trying to corrupt his flock.” 

Through the screen he sees Dean devious smile and he decides he’s had enough of this teasing. 

“I have to try now? Boy, you’re sin incarnate... Follow me.” 

Mere moments later they find themselves in the Sacristy. There's a moment of hesitation, a loaded second which is broken the moment their eyes meet. They crash into each other, kissing like only new lovers do... harsh, uncoordinated, sloppy... as if they are trying to consume the other. Clothes are shed and no inch of skin is left unexplored. 

Cas pulls back for a moment. He looks down on the man he’s currently straddling, notices his shiver of lust as Cas’ eyes devour him. 

“Stay.” 

He gets up and reaches inside his coat for a moment. Once he’s found what he’s looking for, he gets back in position, briefly thrusting his cock against Deans. He makes quick work of putting lube on his fingers and starts prepping himself. Dean is looking at him like he’s seen divinity... He cautiously touches Cas, twisting his hand on the upstroke, making his eyes roll back. He’s finally ready, and positions himself over his lover. They are locked in a bruising kiss as he lowers himself on Dean’s cock. They both moan, temporarily overwhelmed by the sensations. It only takes Cas a minute to recover and he starts riding Dean at a gallop. This isn’t going to take long... Dean quickly gets with the plan and starts stroking him again, matching his own rhythm. His thighs are burning and quivering, he’s about to come... And he doesn’t know of it’s the clench of his hole around him, the almost animalistic cry he lets out or the come landing on his chest, but Dean’s back arches and what he sees in his eye is so incredibly vulnerable it breaks his heart a little. His eye fall shut and he let’s go. It’s beautiful. 

Cas disengages from his lover and collapses next to him. Thank god for wall-to-wall carpet... He turns his head to Dean and sees he’s smiling, eyes still closes. He sighs. 

*I’m so completely and utterly FUCKED!* 

************ 

They don’t say much afterwards. They get dressed, exchange shy smiles... Cas almost hopes he’ll just leave without much ado. No such luck off course... 

Dean hugs him from behind as he’s buttoning up his shirt, nuzzling behind his left ear. This man... he swears, if he wasn’t so committed to his cause... he’d up and leave everything to just be his... but he can’t. 

“Dean, you have to go. Lisa’s waiting.” He bows his head, awaiting his reaction. 

“I know. Just one more minute... you smell so good... wanna rub myself all over you so I have something to remember you by tonight.” 

He refuses to cry. This was not in the plans and it can’t get in the way. 

“Dean. Go home to your wife.” 

Cas’ cool tone obviously startles him. 

“Ok, ok... she won’t be my wife much longer though. This Saturday... Ben’s with my mom then and I’ll tell her. I can be a free man by Sunday. WE can be free.” 

Dean lifts up his face, searches Cas’ eyes, but he actively avoids them. 

“I can’t Dean. I have obligations that surpass my own selfish needs. I can’t.” 

Dean looks as if he struck him. 

“What?! Why?! Let them find another priest! What does it matter who’s in charge here? Let’s just GO!” 

Cas is getting angry. He looks Dean straight in the eye and replies: 

“Let them get another priest? Are we all the same to you, Dean? Just slaves, fresh from the mold? A thousand more just standing by? You have no idea who I am and what I’ve been through!” 

Dean doesn’t give up, “Then tell me, damnit!” 

His anger would be all kinds of hot if it wasn’t directed at him... 

“Oh... you wanna know about me?! You think that will magically solve everything?!” 

Dean sits himself down in the nearest chair and raises his eyebrows in invitation. 

“Ok, you want my life-story? You got it...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whooh! This was... a lot! The drama, the smut, more drama... I need a nap...


	5. Sweet roses, barbarous thorns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas tells Dean his story... and boy, has he got some things to say!   
> Dean just does the sexy-silence thing ;P

“I grew up in a very religious household. My childhood was a happy one, on all accounts. My parents were the perfect couple, I had 4 older siblings, we were rich, … I wanted for nothing. The church was a very prominent fixture in our lives. My brothers and I were sent to a Catholic boarding school for boys, my sister to one for girls. Priests and nuns were like aunts and uncles to us, people we trusted above everyone else. 

The bible became my guidebook to life. I’d never been a rulebreaker or a rebel... I followed the rules that were put in front of me and asked no questions. A good little soldier in their vast army. A nightingale, the crowning glory of their choir. The envy of all the other boys. The popular one. 

All that changed when puberty hit. All my friends started noticing girls, talking in secret about certain body parts, touching themselves under the covers in the dead of night... It left me unfazed. Such things held no interest to me. Sure, my body would have its physical reactions, but I just ignored it. The other boys, they were cruel. I became the laughing stock. ’Father Junkless’ they’d call me. So far for being popular... 

Soon, the head-priest noticed and I was called to his office. He asked me all these questions... Was I not interested in girls? Did I ever look at boys instead? Had I defiled myself? I told him no. He then proceeded to explain the physical side of love, what happens between a man and a woman. It made my stomach turn. The mere thought of having someone touch me like that repulsed me and I told him that. He sent me back to class after that. 

The next weekend my parents were presented with a glowing rapport of their pious son. A genuine angel, uninterested in carnal sin and surely destined for priesthood... and greatness. They were so proud! And I was so happy that I could be such a perfect son for them. My whole life I’d been told to honour my parents and to serve and obey. So, when I turned 18 I went to seminar, ready to devote my life to God. 6 years later I finally became a priest and my parents’ wealth and influence secured me a prime spot in a prestigious parish. Everything seemed perfect. 

And then one day, a young man knocked on my door. Short, blond and the mirror image of my father. He told me how his mother had been an intern at my father's law firm. She was young, beautiful, impressionable... and my father took advantage. He promised her the world and left her begging in the streets as soon as he found out she was pregnant. As a last attempt to appease him, she named her son Gabriel, so all his children would be named after angels. He never even made any attempt to meet him. My blind faith in my father crumbled...just like that. And things were about to get worse. 

Gabriel had already contacted my parents and, when he was ignored, my siblings. They all turned him away, no matter how much evidence of his ancestry he provided. He’d come to me as a last resort, surely a priest wouldn’t send a man in need away. When I heard the reason for his visit, my trust in my whole family faltered. He was sick. In desperate need of a StemCell transplant and hoping his biological family would help him. He didn’t want money, never threatened with a scandal... he just wanted to live. 

I went with him to get tested immediately and, after finding out I was a match, I donated Stem Cells. He made a full recovery and his gratitude made me feel a warmth I had never gotten from my ‘real’ family. The loving parents I thought I had... They turned out to be hypocrites. When I confronted them and my siblings, they turned on me. Suddenly I was considered a traitor. A sinner even, since I was helping ‘the bastard’. They washed their hands of me... And to top it all of, I suddenly found myself demoted. Forced by my superiors to ‘take a break’. 

That is when I lost my faith... My faith in my oh-so -righteous father, my faith in my ‘loving’ mother, my faith in family, my faith in religion... 

Gabriel took me in. No questions asked, no conditions. And for the first time in my life, I started thinking about what I wanted. WHO I wanted to be. Where my true passion lay. Granted, I got swept away by Gabe’s ‘Thank-Fuck-I'm-Alive-Tour'… For some time, I lost myself in hedonism. No longer burdened by others’ expectations, I felt free and sexually blossomed. Drugs, women, men... every sin that brought me pleasure was thoroughly tried and tested. And found wanting. I missed being a priest. Helping people, whether it be through religious guidance or simply being a helping hand... It was my sacred promise to mankind and one I could not leave behind. 

I re-entered the church and worked behind the scenes for a bit. Simply doing good work. And now I am here. I perform all my priestly duties; I say all the right words, go through the motions, look the part... but, what really matters is what I do ‘in the dark’. You see, my time with Gabe showed me something very important. Every life is worth saving. No matter the colour of your skin, or the one you love or the life you choose to lead. We are but men amongst men, who are we to judge. 

So, I listen to those who the church deems sinners. I help where needed. I no longer close my eyes to the cruelties of this world. And when the mood strikes, I fuck. Sometimes women, sometimes men, sometimes others... Surely, if there is a God, he is indifferent towards sexual orientation and gender. And why would he give mankind the gift of pleasure, only to deny it to his most loyal servants? I simply honour all he created. 

And there you have it. My life. You want to tell me I’m wrong to live the way I do? You want to rapport me? Go ahead. The church is nothing but a means to an end to me. 

Although... I’d rather you kept your mouth shut. Let me do my job. And maybe... let me do you. Alas, only in secret, only in the shadows. Can you really do that” 

Dean's face has fallen by now. Cas can see he is starting to understand what life with him would truly mean. 

You see, Dean, they’ll never out me. That would look bad. To the outside world I'm just an ascetic priest, quietly doing his sacred duty... So, yeah, they might “punish” me and send me to a little parish in Buttfuck Illinois, but jokes on them. Sure, there’s no LGBT-community to speak of here, but people like us are everywhere. And I’ll drag them out of the safety of their closet, out of the Hell of their own making if it kills me. I’ll change the homophobic parishes bit by bit, until the church HAS to acknowledge us. Until it can’t hide behind their ancient, redundant lore anymore... Now tell me, how will I do that if I leave the church? How can I change the constitution from within, if I am no longer a part of it? How can I save people, when I’m no one?” 

He pauses... the next bit he has to get through without tears. He HAS to persevere! 

“Please don’t ask me again to leave with you... Because I will. You are... unexpected. The first time we met I had such a visceral reaction to you. And when we shook hands, our first touch... I was lost. I tried to push it all down, to pretend it was just lust. Then I had the therapy session with Lisa and the way she talks about you... you could make an angel feel ashamed. And yesterday, I swear I wasn’t planning on doing THAT. Sure, I wanted to confront you about your sexuality, I mean, I could practically smell the gay on you... But I got carried away. Again today... After everything you told me, your excitement about your newfound future, even if it meant throwing away everything you’ve worked for... it’s inspiring, Dean.” 

He turns away from him and lets the tears flow anyway. His voice is now coloured with emotion, but he still keeps talking: 

“I want to. I want to be selfish and have it all. With you. But I can’t. It would go against everything I am... and you wouldn’t want me if I betrayed that.” 

Dean has been quiet this whole time. No comments, no questions, no comebacks. He hears him get up and suddenly he’s wrapped in his arms. 

“I get it, Cas, I do. I just wish you saw how much you deserve to be happy too. I’ll do this with you. If it means hiding, then we’ll hide. If it means I can never kiss you in public...well... I’ll just have to make up for that in private then. But I'll never leave you. I'll wait. I can do that for you.” 

Cas starts shaking his head, starts pushing him away. 

“No! You can’t throw away your happiness like that. It's the opposite of what I try to achieve here! Please... just don’t...” 

Dean looks him in the eyes and gives him a sad smile. He presses his lips against Cas’... softly... then turns and walks out the door. 

“See ya Sunday, Cas.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone still alive? Anyone actually enjoying this?


	6. Vision drowns like service wine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lisa tries some moves on Dean. Not sure who I should feel sorry for... ;)

Saturday comes sooner than expected and Dean is not ready. He’s not ready to tell Lisa. He’s not ready to have a romantic weekend with her either... He’s basically screwed. He keeps going back and forth in his mind... Why fuck up what he has? Why keep living a lie? But Cas refused to be together anyway... but... he felt so... liberated. 

That’s how Lisa finds him, after dropping of Ben at his moms. Sitting at the table, head in his hands. 

“Sweetie? Wha... what’s wrong?” 

He looks up at her and sighs. 

“Sit down, Lisa. We gotta talk. 

She does as he asks, a frightened look on her face. 

“Lis... I... There’s something I’ve never told you. I’m not... I’ve been talking to Castiel and...” 

She perks up at the mention of Cas’ name and interrupts him. 

“Castiel? Dean... is this about... your preferences?” 

His jaw drops in surprise. *what the hell?!* 

“Ok look, don’t overthink this... but... when I had my private talk with Castiel, we talked about our sex life. About how we struggle on that part. And we do struggle, Dean...” 

He bows his head in shame. He’s letting her down. Has been letting her down for years. 

“I’m sorry, Lis...” His voice is quiet, just above a whisper. Lisa reaches out and puts her hand on his. 

“Don’t be. Castiel, he... he put some things in perspective for me. Made me look at you in a different light. And I don’t mind, Dean. I don’t care that you like men too.” 

His head shoots up and he gives her a deer-in-headlights-look. 

“I do care about you being happy, though. I understand that hiding that part of yourself is a burden. And... when it comes to sex...Dean... thinking about a guy, even when you're with me... it’s not a bad thing, it’s not a sin. I... I gotta say... it’s kinda hot actually.” 

She blushes and looks down. A coy smile on her face. 

How did he ever deserve a girl her? He doesn’t know what to do... what to say. The silence stretches on until his wife gets up, takes him by the hand and gets him to stand up. 

“Wait here.” 

At this point he’s afraid to move. What the hell is happening?! 

He hears her walk up behind him and suddenly his world goes black. She’s blindfolded him. 

“Just let me try something, ok?” 

He nods. There are noises. Clothes moving over skin, a zipper being opened... Then there are hands on his belt. She doesn’t bother taking all his clothes off, just pushes his pants and boxers down to his calves. She gets back up and reaches up to kiss him, while pushing the palm of her hand against his cock. He doesn’t know if it’s excitement or shock or just the complete surrender, but he’s getting hard. She smiles against his mouth and starts talking. 

“Is there a man you like, Dean? Maybe an actor, a singer... the bartender at Rocky’s?” 

That breaks the ice a little and they’re both chuckling. The bartender is a 22yo twink that has been eyeing Dean since he first saw him. He winked at him once... poor boy dropped everything and ran to the bathroom like his pants were on fire! 

“Yeah, no... I don’t know Lis... “ 

“What about Father Castiel?” 

Shit! Nonononono.... not going there! 

“Lisa! He’s a priest for fucks sake!” 

*hypocrite...* 

“Does that really matter?” She turns around, bends over and pushes her bare ass against him. His hard cock nestles between her cheeks and she starts moving her hips in circles. 

“It’s a fantasy... anything goes, that’s how it works. And priest or not, he’s a hot guy. Don’t you think so?” 

He tilts his head back and just gives in. 

“Yessss...” 

“Are you imagining him bending over the table like this? Grinding into you like this?” 

He whines and grips her hips, stopping her movements. He tries to catch his breath for a moment, takes his cock in hand and guides it into her. It’s wet. Warm. Tight. He starts thrusting, she starts moaning, breaking the illusion. It doesn’t feel the same either. Not Cas’ scorching heat, not his low gravelly voice. His thrusts falter and he feels himself going a bit soft. 

“Think about it, Dean... him fucking himself back on your cock” 

She starts doing that very thing. 

“Touching himself... giving himself over to you.” 

She’s touching herself now. Starts out slow, teasing... speeding up her movements to follow Dean’s rhythm. 

“Make him yours, Dean...” 

She’s convulsing around him, just about to come. He slams into her, fucks a loud, unhinged cry out of her. Her legs buckle with the force of her orgasm, but he holds her up... keeps going, harder, faster... His climax is short, but fierce and he’s just lucid enough to NOT mutter Cas’ name. 

Lisa turns back around, nuzzles his neck, still trembling. 

“Damn, sweetheart... you’ve been holding out on me.” 

She lets out a giggle and removes his blindfold. Turns out it was one of her silk scarves. Kinky. 

“I’m going to take a shower... and a nap.” 

Her smile is radiant, she’s beautiful. He watches her leave the room, pulls his pants back up and sits himself back down in the same position she found him in to begin with. 

She’s not him... and he can’t shake the feeling that he has now cheated on all three them. 

********** 

SUNDAY MORNING: 

The church is packed. Their eyes meet and he knows. Cas is the one he wants. And he’s the one he’ll get. 

The sermon is emotional. It speaks of being lost, being found and knowing when to walk away. 

Nice try, Cas... He won’t walk away. He will let him do his thing, hell, he’ll even help him! Loyalty is one of Dean’s best qualities, after all. Cas just needs a little push. 

And boy, does he have a plan...


	7. A sacerdotal soul, burned by the demon of my dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's my birthday so I've brought treats!  
> In this chapter there is a bit of talk, a bit of charitywork and a bit of smut. Enjoy!

“...and giving up on the sweetest of all pleasures, forsaking all selfish desire for duty, is it not more than one can bear? It is... but the power of conviction can move mountains. All of us make sacrifices for the good of others. Sometimes they are small, like giving your last candy to your child. Sometimes they are heart breaking, like letting go of someone so they can have a better life and be free. But they are never simple, they are never unnoticed, they are always a sign of good and loving heart. Our decisions, no matter how insignificant they may seem, can hold great change for others. And that is by far the most important thing: to love one another, help one another, accept each other's differences... and give... for one day you may be in need of receiving.” 

He almost started crying when his eyes met Deans earlier in his sermon. He is strengthened by his faith though. Not his faith in God... that seems to diminish each day, but the faith he has in his own ability to change lives... THAT is unwavering. He finishes the service and goes through the motions of greeting his parishioners. Amongst whom...Lisa and Dean off course. 

“Father, that was a truly beautiful sermon! Brought a tear to my eye... it really put some things in perspective for me. Thank you for that.” 

She is clutching his hands in hers and he can’t help but wonder if those hands were on Dean earlier. No matter how much he tries, his brain keeps tempting him, keeps telling him he’s an idiot. A fool for the man standing next to her. 

Lisa is suddenly pulled away and then it’s just them. He has been expecting Dean to be hostile, to be angry or just plain uncomfortable. He never expected him to say: 

“Can I come to confession, Father?” 

His face is unreadable. Is it a ploy to try and sway him? Is he being serious? 

“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea, Dean.” 

Dean's mask falters. He grins at him and nods his head. 

“Yeah... maybe not. But we did have a nice uhm...talk... last time.” He takes Cas’ elbow and steers him away from the crowd, “don’t you remember? Because I do...” 

He looks him straight in the eye and lowers his voice. 

“I bet there are still traces of me inside you... Maybe you can still feel me... I could live to be a 110 and still vividly remember the way your eyes rolled back when you came... All. Over. Me.” 

Cas’ mouth has gone completely dry. He swallows and before he can tell Dean to leave, Lisa is back by their side. 

“Sharing secrets, gentlemen? Oh, Father, you look a bit flushed... are you okay?” 

He manages to smile at her and convince her that he is in fact alright. Bit hot in all those layers... *thank God for all those layers...* 

And then Dean just HAS to open his big mouth: “Actually Lis, I was just asking Castiel if we could have an emergency session this morning. Yesterday... I don’t know, I feel we could use an outsider’s perspective right now.” 

She blushes... Why is she blushing?! Part of him wants to just run and never look back, but part of him is curious... almost jealous? 

“I have other duties this afternoon, but I’m amendable to seeing the two of you in my office in 15 minutes. Would that work?” 

They both nod. 

************ 

“So, where do you want to start?” 

He's behind the desk this time, the couple sitting on the other side. Professional. As it is supposed to be. 

“Well... hah...” Lisa is smiling timidly and bites her lip, “I’ve been working on improving our sex life. I was so glad we could stop following Father Zachariah’s advice... I mean, no offence, but how was that ever going to help? And after we both had a session alone with you, I felt like I understood our situation so much better. And then Dean arranges for a Saturday where it’s just the 2 of us and he says he has something to tell me... I was so happy that he finally trusted me enough to tell me about his sexuality and I saw an opportunity...and I took it.” 

She looks at Dean with a look that say “your turn!” 

Dean looks Cas in the eye, face serious in spite of what Lisa just shared. 

“I was ready to leave. I would tell her, she’d be mad and I’d leave. But then... she said she understood. About me being... bi. Accepted it even. She blindfolded me, Cas... did all sorts of things to me while telling me to think about... a man. And it worked.” 

His voice is neutral, but he can see heat in his eyes. Dean keeps describing how it went, what they did and Cas is conflicted. On one hand he turned on by the thought of Dean fucking his wife, pretending it’s him... on the other hand, he’s insanely jealous that he fucked his wife after telling him he’d end it, no matter what. He tries not to show his disappointment. 

“...but you know, Cas, I don’t feel better now. I feel worse. A cheater... on all accounts. Lisa is wonderful and the way she keeps trying is admirable, but I still feel like I should leave.” 

“And I feel like I should let you go.” 

Both their heads turn to the Lisa. She’s looking at her hands, folded in her lap. 

“I don’t want you to feel like a cheater or a liar, Dean. You’re a good man, a good father and you’ve lived with this burden for so long now... I know how your dad raised you, I know how this town is... but that shouldn’t stop you. You deserve better. I deserve better too. Tell me, Dean, you’re not even ‘just’ bisexual, are you?” 

Dean hangs his head, elbows on his knees. He shakes his head. 

Lisa stands, puts a hand on his shoulder. 

“Then we never even had a chance... just... give me some time? We can work something out, but... just give me today, ok?” Dean looks at her in wonder and nods. She’s about to walk through the door when she says: “Thanks for the advice, Castiel.”, and leaves. 

An uncomfortable silence fills the room. This sure didn’t go where Cas though it would. He has great respect for Lisa, though... Walking away from Dean is incredibly hard and he’s only known him for a week! It's just so... weird. He never believed in the whole ‘love at first sight’ thing. Love has to grow, needs foundations, needs time... and yet, here he is. Living the ‘coup de foudre’ fairy tale. Or rather, his own Lifetime Movie Drama. 

Dean sighs deeply, “Well... seems like I need a place to stay, Cas.” 

“Please... don’t...” 

“No!” he gets up and leans over the desk, “Look, she practically gift wrapped me for you. She asked me if I was interested in someone yesterday and when I didn’t answer she told me to think about you. Lisa’s not an idiot, you know. You started all this and now you just push me aside? This your way of helping people? Am I even the first you’ve tried this on?!” 

Cas jumps up, ready to defend himself. Their faces are only inches away from each other and he can’t decide if he wants to kiss or hit that beautiful mouth. 

“That’s what you think of me? What a pretty picture you’ve painted in your head... Castiel, the whore-priest, seducing closeted gays left and right! Just because I’ve forsaken my vow of chastity, doesn’t mean I use my dick for everything, you know!” 

“Well, you sure jumped on the opportunity with me, didn’t ya?! Literally! What am I supposed to think?!” 

“Maybe you could consider the thought that this is as inconvenient for me as it is for you! I didn’t want this! I didn’t want to FUCKING FALL IN LOVE!!!” 

That stops Dean right in his tracks. They are still standing nose to nose, breathing heavily. Cas eyes slide down to Deans lips... their foreheads touch... 

RRRRRRRRR...RRRRRRRRR...RRRRRRRRR 

They both jump back and he turns of the alarm on his phone. 

“I gotta go. Lots of work to be done.” 

He can’t meet his eyes. 

“I’m coming with you. Show me what matters most to you, more than love. I’ll show you I can help, even if it’s in the shadows.” 

Cas sighs. Dean takes his hand. “Please, Cas. Let me in.” 

Again a big sigh... He inclines his head towards the door and they leave together. 

************ 

They spend the rest of the day at the youth centre. And the homeless shelter. And the soup kitchen. Castiel is there for everyone, off course, but Dean quickly sees why this work is so important to him. Young people keep swarming around Cas. He listens to them all. Some of them cry... he gives them their smile back. 

On their way to the community centre, Cas explains that most of those youngsters are queer. Hiding who they are, thrown out by their parents, abandoned by those who were supposed to love and protect them. Dean feels sick. 

Last order of the day is a group meeting. Like AA but for the LGBTQ-community. Dean is surprised to see some familiar people, shocked at some of their stories. He wasn’t planning on sharing his own experiences, but ends up talking about his father anyway. Being in a safe space sure seems to take away his boundaries... 

He watches Cas as the man just listens. No judgement, no cue card advice, he’s just... there. 

If this was supposed to drive Dean away, that plan failed miserably. It only makes him fall harder for the man. And when he tells him he wants to be involved in all of this, the look in Cas’ eyes tells him this thing between them is far from over. 

********* 

They stumble into Cas’ bedroom, kissing and undressing each other. Their actions are frantic... They were fools to deny themselves this. Cas, ever the one for taking charge, walks him backwards and pushes him down on the bed. He looks him over for a moment, making Dean shiver in anticipation, before attacking his mouth again. They grind and grab and moan... it’s... animalistic. 

By the time Cas is through kissing him within an inch of his life, Dean is utterly breathless... boneless... well, except for one. And his lover is currently making his way down to it, marking his skin all along the way. 

A soft, wet kiss is placed on the head of his cock. Dean lets out a whine, desperate for more... but Cas keeps teasing him. Keeps kissing his dick as if he were French kissing his mouth, lips puckered, tongue sweeping all over...making him impossibly harder. 

He crawls down a little farther and directs his attention elsewhere. Hands are roving his thighs, while that sinful mouth suck his balls. Dean is basically lost to pleasure, lost to the miracle that is Castiel. 

Suddenly the mood changes. Cas grips his knees and bends his legs back. He looks up at Dean, lips red and swollen... And for a moment... he panics. 

“Cas... I... what are you doing?!” 

A hand slowly moves down the back of his upper left leg. They maintain eye contact as that hand slides lower, as fingers lightly touch uncharted territory. Dean gasps. 

“I’ve never... I don’t know...” 

He finds himself panting, heart racing, eyes closed. Is he really ready for this? It's his final frontier...where no man has gone before... 

*Damnit Dean, NOT the time for channelling your inner nerd!* 

“Open your eyes, Dean.” 

He does and is met with Cas’ soulful gaze. Somehow... the tension drains right out of his body. 

“Trust me... let me... please.” 

There is only one answer. 

“Yes” 

Cas surprises him once more, by not using his fingers on his virgin hole, instead placing another one of those soft, wet kisses... right there. 

*OH!... oh...* 

His tongue flicks out, he licks and sucks until Dean feels like a live wire. If only he’d known about THIS before! Total gamechanger... He actually let’s out the most disappointed noise, when Cas stops his ministrations to go fetch some lube. God, if it were up to him, he’d spend all afternoon on his back with Cas’ face buried between his cheeks. Any reservations he might have had about what they’re about to do, have vanished like dawn to the daylight. 

Cas gets back on the bed and starts preparing everything for the main event. A pillow is placed under Deans lower back, lube generously spread over his hole (“Shit, Cas! Cold!!”), fingers exploring... and then... 

“HOLY SHIT!” 

He's been researching about this stuff and he’s read all about prostate and how it’s supposed to be the male G-spot, but damn... he did not expect THAT. 

“Profanity is a sin, my dear.” 

He looks up and sees Cas grinning down at him. That little shit... He gives him a dirty look and squeezes Cas’ fingers... hard. 

“Fuck!” 

Dean chuckles, “How’s that for a preview... Father?” 

That seems to have pushed ALL of Cas’ buttons and he’s on him in a heartbeat! They passionately kiss for a few moments, locked in a tight embrace, hands in each other's hair... He lifts his legs, closes them around Cas’ hips, ankles locked. They stop. 

“Ready when you are, Cas”, Dean says with more confidence than he feels. 

Cas squints. He lifts himself on his elbows and asks on final time... 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yes. Yes times 10. I want you, Cas, right now.” 

Cas gets moving instantly, applies lube to his cock and lines up. 

“Relax and bear down. Stop me at any time.” 

He pushes. It feels awkward for a second and then something... gives. Cas slowly, but steadily enters him. He finds little resistance. Once fully inside, he presses his face against the side of Deans neck and shudders. Breathlessly, he mutters: 

“Are you ok, Dean?” 

Ok? Is he ok? He's... he’s never felt like this, never given himself over like this. Physically he’s fine, hell, he’s great! Could do this all damn day for the rest of his life! Mentally... he’s momentarily overwhelmed and yet... he feels calm. Taken care of. He smiles. 

“Dean?” 

Not trusting his voice to be steady, he simply starts rolling his hips. Little thrusts upward that make Cas’ breath hitch. 

They move together in a dance as old as time. Slow and careful at first, but soon they’re lost to lust, slaves to the pleasure they find within each other. Cas gets up on his knees, lifting Deans hips higher, his forceful movements making the bed squeak. 

This position makes Cas’ cock slam right into Dean’s prostate again and again... He’s lost all coherent thought by now... Words spill from his mouth, but he doesn’t know what he’s saying. He’s almost there... nearly there... 

Without warning, Cas pulls out. Dean is about to complain, but then he takes both their erections in one hand and starts stroking them. The sight alone is enough to give Dean that final push and he comes with a long, loud moan followed by a broken sob. A few seconds later he feels another gush of liquid land on his chest. He looks up and is met with the most gorgeous sight. Cas has still got his hips in a crushing grip, head thrown back, mouth open in a silent cry, suspended in a moment of timelessness... 

When he gets back to the land of the living, he takes a deep breath and looks at him with a devious smile. He reaches out his right hand and dips his index and middle finger into their combined cum, cooling on Dean’s chest. He gathers some on those fingers, daintily licks at them and then he leans forward, touching them to Dean’s forehead, sternum and both shoulders. 

“In nomine Patris et Filii et Spiritus Sancti” 

They both start laughing and collapse together in a heap of arms and legs. It’s perfect.


End file.
